those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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