he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
