seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
