I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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