She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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