i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
