Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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