Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I AM VODKA MAN
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
