Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
