I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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