Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
