So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Don't EVER smell your tampon
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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