I will die if light touches me.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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