I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
