she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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