so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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