the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
smell my finger.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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