That's intense
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
