She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Randomize
