I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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