I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
