so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
