There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Randomize
