Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
