I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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