I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
