I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize