Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
