I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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