Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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