return my video game
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize