Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
