She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
