Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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