U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
