I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
