i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
