theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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