Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
