capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I need a burrito and a hug.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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