He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
