I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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