He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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