the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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