I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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