What did we do last night that was yellow?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
