you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
