Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
