I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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