I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
