I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
