Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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