Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
