When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
