holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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