So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I am naked and annoyed.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
