Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
