just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
