I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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