can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Still dying that you shit outside
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
