We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
