you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
