I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
