she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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