wrigley field is MILF paradise
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
