these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I stole a fireplace last night.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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