dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Semen is not good for contacts.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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