There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
should my penis look like a turkey
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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