The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize