I look better un-naked...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
