I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
