i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I smell like Dick and happiness
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
