She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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